Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The evil genius of Lileks

... and his year in review is hysterical!

Washington is ablaze with buzz: It appears that Karl Rove, acting on telekinetically transmitted orders from Dick Cheney’s throbbing brain, told “Scooter” Libby something, and he then hinted to “Biff” Novak and “Muffy” Miller that Valerie “Hidden in Plain Sight” Plame is actually Super Secret Agent Double-Y Seven. This completely blew her deep cover—she had been known publicly as an Iranian nuclear weapons program expert. Imagine the mullahs’ surprise when her beard came right off with one tug! Right away, the Marines had to extract Plame from The Palm during a crowded lunch hour, at great risk.

The purpose of the telekinetic plot was to discredit Joe Wilson for reporting he had been to Niger, visited the docks one morning, and never once heard anyone shout “Hoist the yellowcake into the hold of this Iraqi cargoship, lads!” After Wilson concluded the Iraqis merely wanted to buy Niger’s primary export—novelty figurines that glowed in the dark and made your hair fall out if you stood too close—traitorous leakers went to work. That was too much for the crusading media, who are well known for hating leaks and zealously guarding national security secrets.

It's long but well worth the read.