Jack Bauer: The terrorist whisperer

But I don't think Robert Redford will be making that movie anytime soon... Still it was pretty cool... Jack was pinned down by terrorist gunfire while pursuing Fayed and Chernobyl (who was doing his best impersonation of Romano the one-armed wonder doc). Jack takes down the first terrorist with one shot and then whispers to the second, "Show your head," and the terrorist just pops up like he was in some whak-a-terrorist game and Jack gives him a new ventilation hole in his forehead. How did Jack do it? Is it the force? Can Jack make weak-minded terrorist fools do his bidding? Is Jack the great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather of Luke Skywalker? Did Jack Bauer create the force? Maybe that question will be answered when the series comes to its finale... In the meantime Presdient Chapelle needed a few more hits care of Dr. Dre to survive Curly Bill's attempted coup. But it still looks like Dr. Dre is going to pull some Cheetos out of his bag of tricks because President Chapelle's about to pass out from a major case of the munchies. And now we come to the 24-South Park connection. South Park did their interpretation of 24: blinking clock, annoying CTU ringtone, funny split screens, and all. But the big question is have Trey Parker and Matt Stone revealed this season's finale? Will the terrorists take one of their remaining suitcase nukes and put it up Hillary CLinton's snizz to create what Cartman referred to as "the snuke"? This of course raises an even bigger question: If they do create a Hillary "snuke" will Jack disarm it or let it detonate? Because really... what's better for the US in the long run? And while you ponder over that cunundrum, please enjoy this week's Jack Bauer Moment of ZenTM: Chuck Norris Jack Bauer has a Hot or Not rating of 1,000,000. Chuck Norris' Jack Bauer's blood has never been tested because everytime testing is attempted, his blood destroys the equipment. Chuck Norris Jack Bauer can turn back time simply by staring at the clock and flexing. That sure sounds like the force to me! Especially that Hot or Not rating... damn. UPDATE 4/5 @ 2:02pm: Morning Maniac Music has the latest Carnival of Bauer up! Stop by and check it out.

South Park mocks 9/11 conspiracy freaks

A hysterical episode, as usual. And it took an unexpected turn when Stan and Kyle confront President Bush about these conspiracy theories and Bush says it's true, the government was behind the 9/11 attacks. Kyle: No way! Stan: He was right! You did cause 9/11! Bush: Yes... Quite simple to pull off really. All I had to do was have explosives planted in the base of the towers then on 9/11 we pretended like 4 planes were being hijacked when really we just rerouted them to Pennsylvania then flew two military jets into the World Trade Center filled with more explosives then shot down all the witnesses on Flight 93 with an F15 after blowing up the Pentagon with a Cruise missile. It was only the world's most intricate and flawlessly executed plan ever. Ever. Kyle: [long dramatic pause] ... really? That's right! Bush did cause 9/11! And they were encouraging the conspiracy nuts so the world would know the the government controls everything! The whole episode was an elaborate setup, even the conspiracy whackos were working for the government. And they would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for the rascally Hardly Boys who followed their "raging hard clues" around all episode. Parker and Stone strike again!