Tuesday, February 14, 2006

This just in... authorities clear Cheney in hunting accident

CNN Headline: Cheney cleared in hunting accident.

Well, thank God we got that cleared up. And Whittington will be fine. Someone tell the press quickly... before they throw another temper tantrum and Scott McClellan's head explodes from trying to restrain himself from calling the White House press corps "retarded" and demanding to know when the "short bus" will pick them back up and drive them off the first cliff they come to.

I mean when you're asked a question like "Wouldn't it have been worse if the man had died?" don't you just want a bitingly sarcastic retort like, "No actually all evidence suggests the VP was simply trying to maim Whittington. He has a wife, children, and grandchildren, and since none of them were available as targets for the VP (grandchild season doesn't open until May, and lawyer season is year round, as you know), we figured the most painful thing for the family as a whole was a crippled grandfather. He is a lawyer though, and as such his soulless, blood sucking body is difficult to wound."

I'd pay to hear Scott say something like that to the press...