Friday, October 20, 2006

War against subversive children's games: "Tag" gets the axe

Yep, two Massachusetts schools banned the game of "Tag" this week. Yes run around, tag, you're it is now no longer an acceptable recess game. When I read the headline, I figured it'd be because it would cause self-esteem issues with kids who couldn't run as fast as the others or perhaps because we can't allow boys to start tagging girls because we wouldn't want some second grader claiming she was sexually harassed when she was "it". The last one's close, but still not quite as lame an idea as the one actually given in the article...

WASHINGTON (AFP) - Two Massachusetts primary schools this week joined a growing list of US schools that have banned the age-old game of tag for fear that children may get hurt and their parents will sue.

Officials at McCarthy Elementary School in Framingham in the northeastern state, told local media that children have been ordered to invent a new no-contact version of the game for safety reasons.

"If the hands come out to touch, then the supervisors ask them to stop," McCarthy principal Joan Vodoklys was quoted as saying in the Boston Herald on Friday. "What we require is that children do not touch each other."

What would our kids do these days if not for the benevolent protection of the legal profession? I think the "heaven-forbid-the-kid-fall-down-and-skin-a-knee" excuse is probably the lamest excuse someone with a graduate degree could think of.

But it does make the kids think... Like how to tag another player without actually touching them with your hands. Kicking perhaps? Pointing and laughing? Maybe spitting on them to designate tham as tagged? Throwing a rock? That's a good way to let someone know they're "it"...

Or we could just send the kids to school everyday with their attorneys, and have the attorneys' perform all required actions, while the kids stay in their hermetically sealed bubbles protected from the dangers of a stiff breeze. The lawyers answer all questions posed in class, make sure nothing inappropriate like peanut butter is served in the cafeteria, and play all recess games so the kids don't get hurt. That way we can create an entire generation of kids who never actually do, learn, or accompish anything throughout their entire lives.

It'd be just like Berkeley.

UPDATE @ 4:11pm: Looks like Chad, the East coast rep for Cake or death posted this back on Wednesday... I just can't get a break...

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