Cake or Death: Audrey's dead... and in other news...

Al Gore says global warming is YOUR fault!
"He betrayed this country! He played on our fears!"
You don't say...

September 18th, 2007

Fed Cuts Benchmark Rate Half Point, Seeking to Forestall Recession in U.S. - "The Federal Reserve lowered its benchmark interest rate by a half point to 4.75 percent, the first cut in four years, to protect the U.S. from sinking into a recession sparked by fallout from the housing-market collapse. 'Today's action is intended to help forestall some of the adverse effects on the broader economy that might otherwise arise from the disruptions in financial markets,' the Federal Open Market Committee said in a statement after meeting today in Washington. The central bank will 'act as needed to foster price stability and sustainable economic growth.' Stocks surged, two-year Treasury notes rose and the dollar fell to a record low against the euro. The larger-than-forecast reduction suggests Chairman Ben S. Bernanke is prepared to leave himself open to criticism that he's rescuing investors from bad decisions for the sake of saving the six-year expansion."
U.S. Producer Prices Drop More Than Forecast; Foreclosures on Homes Double - "The 1.4 percent decrease, the biggest since October, followed a 0.6 percent increase in July, the Labor Department said today in Washington. So-called core prices, which exclude fuel and food costs, rose 0.2 percent after a 0.1 percent gain the month before. Slower inflation gave policy makers room to cut their benchmark rate today in an effort to sustain the expansion in the face of a housing recession. A drop in fuel expenses pushed prices down in August and cooling economic growth will continue to restrain raw-material costs, economists said."

September 14th, 2007

U.S. Retail Sales, Output Rise Less Than Forecast, Adding to Rate-Cut Case - "The 0.3 percent increase in sales during August followed a revised 0.5 percent gain in July, the Commerce Department said today in Washington. Purchases excluding automobiles unexpectedly fell 0.4 percent. Production gained 0.2 percent, with factory output declining for the first time since February. While a report from the University of Michigan and Reuters Group Plc showed consumer confidence increased, their sentiment index remained near the lowest level in a year. Treasury notes rallied after the retail sales and production reports, before losing the gains."

September 13th, 2007

Greenspan Says He Didn't Foresee Credit Rout, Endorses Bernanke, CBS Says - "Current Fed Chairman Ben S. Bernanke 'is doing an excellent job,' Greenspan said in an interview on the 60 Minutes program, according to excerpts e-mailed by CBS today. The show is scheduled to air on Sept. 16, a day before the publication of Greenspan's book, 'The Age of Turbulence.' The remarks come amid criticism among some investors that Bernanke has failed to be as forceful as his predecessor in responding to financial turmoil. Greenspan in 1998 cut interest rates three times after a Russian debt default rippled through global markets. Bernanke's Fed has refrained from lowering its benchmark so far, relying on other tools to provide liquidity."
Commercial-Paper Market Decline in U.S. Slows as Concerns Over Credit Ease - "U.S. stocks rose and Treasuries fell after the Federal Reserve reported short-term debt dropped by $8.2 billion, compared with a decline of $31.3 billion a week earlier. That coincided with Countrywide Financial Corp. obtaining new financing and banks finding buyers for loans to fund Kohlberg Kravis Roberts & Co.'s buyout of Alliance Boots. Issuers with the biggest chance of default had stopped trying to sell commercial paper, rekindling appetite for short- term debt, said Tony Crescenzi, chief bond market strategist at Miller Tabak & Co. in New York. 'Investors have already pushed out the weakest issuers,' Crescenzi said in an e-mail. 'The commercial paper that remains is a relatively more respected crop.'"

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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Audrey's dead... and in other news...

Jack takes it easy again this hour, takes a nap, gets his busted rib wrapped, cries over Audrey's dead... file. And who spills the beans but none other than the newly widowed Mrs' Romano the one armed wonder doc. Right after she tried to plant one on Jack.

So Jack takes a personal moment while vice president Curly Bill and his gang of cowboys do everything in their power to nuke the Middle East back into the stone age. First he says, if they nuke us again, we'll nuke 'em back. Then after Jack stops that nuke, he says we're gonna nuke 'em anyway.

Looks like the Arabs just can't win. Sure he's just going to level off a few mountains in Dirkadirkastan, maybe kill about 20 people and 20,000 goats; it's the principle of the thing. Why waste a perfectly good nuke redecorating the landscape and killing off a few goats when you can go for the jugular and wipe the whole country off the map?

Since no one appreciates vice preisdent Curly Bill's decorating tastes, looks like their gonna try to wake president Chapelle from his coma to save the day. We'll have to wait to see how that works out.

But bigger than the impending nuclear holocaust: Nadia's a mole!!!!! Nooooo! Say it ain't so Nadia! What happened to the token hot Muslim Republican chick at CTU!!!

And as we mourn Nadia's impending death at the hands of Jack, I give you our weekly Jack Bauer Moment of ZenTM:

~~Chuck Norris~~ Jack Bauer once squeezed an M&M so hard that it turned into a Skittle.

When ~~Chuck Norris~~ Jack Bauer wants a back massage, he lays down on railroad tracks.

~~Chuck Norris~~ Jack Bauer invented EZ Squeeze Cheeze. He got the idea from crushing a man until his intestines came out of his mouth.

Heh.

Labels: 24, Jack Bauer

Link to me! Posted by jwookie : 7:11 PM

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