Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Jack Bauer the merciful!

He kills terrorists and helps the de-de-dee's cross the street... What doesn't this guy do?

But most important things first. The investigation against the token hot Muslim Republican chick hits a snag when some microchip they found proves she didn't do it. But that's nothing that a little lost evidence can't cure for Richie Rich's cohort from Denver, but when when the Denver slime ball (a new mole??) spills the beans to Milo, dude goes apeshit and plants a big wet one on Nadia. Chloe played the jealous peeping tom. That's hot.

Jack leads his team against the security leak that was feeding the terrorists secure intel. The guy's a glorified security guard and was using his Rain Man little brother to break the security firewalls at CTU. Chernobyl was his ex-boyfriend and when he called begging for juicy intel, Tom Cruise caved and had Dustin Hoffman crack the code.

But when Jack takes Tommy boy down, he befriends the de-de-dee and convinces him to stage a handoff to Tommy's lover boy Chernobyl by promising him an all night marathon of Judge Wapner. And a cookie.

Jack hoped that would stop Curly Bill and his ruthless gang of cowboys from turning Dirkadirkastan into a smoldering crater, but alas, Bill is determined to create more parking in the Middle East. That is until President Chapelle is woken up from his THC induced coma to call off the attack. Curly Bill blames the drugs and asks for Alberto Gonzales to come on by to declare the president incompetent after he finishes firing the rest of the US Attorneys.

And while we wait to see who will play AG Gonzales next hour, please enjoy your weekly Jack Bauer Moment of ZenTM:
Every year, two Nobel Peace Prizes are given out. One for a regular person, and one secret prize given to Chuck Norris Jack Bauer for allowing human existence to continue.

When Chuck Norris Jack Bauer runs he actually stays in the same place and the world spins underneath him.

Chuck Norris Jack Bauer plans on putting an "i" in team.

UPDATE 3/29 @ 2:30pm - The Carnival of Bauer has begun! Check it out over at New Word Order.

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