Tuesday, March 28, 2006

OK, OK... so maybe Audrey Raines isn't a traitor...

Kate MaraThough she's still being held in suspicion since her nose is still a suspect.

Anyway, Jack pulls another Mission Impossible moment out of nowhere as he interrogates the hot Russian hooker/spy. "Russian hooker, you've never seen me very upset. Don't dis Scientology again, you glib SOB." So Jack threatens the hot Russian hooker/spy and smacks around the US Marshall to get to her. Jack really has a big set of brass ones, I tell you. Seriously. Don't piss Jack off. He doesn't care who you are; he'll shoot first and ask questions later.

In other happenings Truffle Shuffle's replacement shows up, and she's a wakling sexual harassment suit. But at least she's hot; a definite step up from Truffle Shuffle. So I think we ought to call her "Jail Bait". It's not that she's underage, you just can't talk to her without her slapping you with a sexual harassment suit. I mean Chiggy Killer is hardly trying to feel her up when he patted her on the shoulder congratulating her on a job well done. Thank God she took Chemistry 101 at her local JC before getting hired as a temp at CTU.

Jack Bauer Kill CounterAnd when Jack and Coke got to the natural gas plant, the shit really hits the fan, and the kill counter takes a big leap. 12 body bags were needed this episode. And the best part is, the only way to stop the gas was to blow up the plant. Sweet. Cut to typical good guy running, trying to escape, as successive large explosions get closer and closer.

So Jack drags Bierko into the cop car to save them both (insert bad Brokeback joke here. I don't mock Jack. I don't want to die).

And now your Jack Bauer Moments of ZenTM:

Chuck Norris Jack Bauer once passed a kidney stone the size of a baseball. The stone is on display as a moon rock at NASA.

Chuck Norris Jack Bauer is the first black man to have white skin and red hair.

Chuck Norris' Jack Bauer's urine can burn through steel.