Monday, April 03, 2006

24: It's the year of the weasel!

It turns out President Weasel is really a traitor! You bastard! Although after watching the episode you had to know it was coming... they only said it was the VP 20 times in the hour so, of course, that means it wasn't him...

And Jack begins the hour saying that he's scared... I dunno if they're trying to soften him up because hi poll numbers are dropping with the ladies, but if Jack is scared I'm pretty sure that means Los Angeles is screwed. I'm thinking there could very well be hundreds of thousands dead this year. In fact I think it's a sign of the apocalypse.

Shaft, thanks to Whiskey Pierce ("Jack and Coke" as a team, finally make it back to the Weasel's ranch where the secret source that we're all on the chopping block for is. And it's none other than Big Boobs Logan's personal hair stylist (aka making sure the first lady isn't so stoned out of mind on anti-psychotics that she's not droolling on herlself). Somehow this means she was former David Palmer's (Rest in Peace) BFFE, so they shared everything. And she knows everything... who killed Kennedy, the Area 51 secrets, Clinton's little black book... she's go it all and her creed in the immortal words of Sally Fields, "Not without my duaghter." And why is it hairstylists get all the juicy info?

So Audrey, her nose having been cleared of all wrongdoing apparently, has to stab Chiggy killer in the back to get to keep Potato Face for all the techie stuff so Jack can be the independent operator he prefers. But she looks fabulous though for less than an hour after being tortured? Maybe she cleans up better than we give her credit for... Nah... So enjoy our new vixen Anita "Jail Bait" Hill.

We get a new assault team though... and with Curtis back at CTU, Jack picks up a new partner and seeing how Shaft was in the marines but never saw any action, he's cola, but with less punch... diet decaffeinated cola. So Jack and Diet Decaffeinated Cola go to blow some shit up. I think we need toes tags for seven more dead terrorists.

And finally Bib Boobs Logan's hairdresser spills it... and... it's not the VP (shocker...? not really they did just about everything to convince us it was him short of his name in neon lights on a marquee saying "it's the VP".)

Finally cut to the President Weasel talking to the terrorist RoboCop. It's truly a dark day. Maybe the weasel stole his cajones back from Big Boobs when she wasn't looking to get all this crap together.

So what's the skinny. Weasel will have to get taken out everntually, but do we trust the VP? Dubious... but curfew maybe working out better than forcast. So if both POTUS and the VP both get nailed... doesn't that mean Dick Cheney gets to be the pres?! Could be...

And know your Jack Bauer moments of ZenTM:

Chuck Norris Jack Bauer doesn't own any odd-socks. They stay together out of fear.

Chuck Norris Jack Bauer doesnt use shaving cream and he never cuts himself. Ever.

Chuck Norris Jack Bauer likes to refer to himself in third person. Why? Because he's fucking Chuck Norris Jack Bauer.

UPDATE: Here's the B4B Kill Counter...