Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Has Jack Bauer become fates whipping boy?

I mean the man can't catch a break! Just when he thinks life is going back to normal, he's smooching with Audrey "the nose" Raines, thinking about a sammich and a nap, and going to take a call from his daughter, Cougar Bait Kim and WHAM! He's kidnapped by secret, attack ninjas.

I must say when the episode was wrapping up and Jack and Audrey were getting all snuggly, I thought what about the Chinese, Jack? Like they're not gonna notice you came back to life or they've forgiven and forgotten? Then he goes to take the phone call and the ninjas come out of the shadows and attacks. My first thought was damn, if Romano the one-armed wonder doc and his Halliburton cronies employed ninjas why didn't they use them instead of RoboCop? But that's silly because Romano the one-armed wonder doc and Halliburton are there to look out for the white man and wouldn't be caught dead employing people of color to do anything other than pick fruit. That left the Chinese. They are ninjas after all...

Of course my prediction that Jack would kill President Weasel was wrong. In the end, though I like that Bib Boobs Logan ended up being the one to nail the weasel.

Overall it was a good season. There were some cheesy parts and for a while there I thought the writers had a serious case of War for Oil/Halliburton/BDS with some of those plot twists. But next season, Jack goes to China.

I can't wait.

UPDATE @ 4pm: How could I forget the Chuck Norris Jack Bauer Moment of ZenTM!

Chuck Norris Jack Bauer is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

Few people know that President Jimmy Carter appointed Chuck Norris Jack Bauer as Secretary of Awesome in 1978. This cabinet level position was later rescinded in 1981 after Chuck Norris Jack Bauer refused to give up his title.

The Great Wall of China is one of the few things on earth that can be seen from space because of its sheer size. Chuck Norris Jack Bauer's dick can actually be touched from space because it's just that much bigger.
Take that China!