Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Remind me to never hit on Chloe...

Dude! She tazer-gunned that drunken moron last night twice! I think we ought to bump the kill counter just for that... Chloe, sweetheart... it's called people skills... get some. Sure he was a cheesy, drunken nitwit, but you enjoyed that tazer gun just a little too much...

Frau Blucher finally comes to her senses and starts helping Jack, Chloe, and Chiggy on the sly (and Chiggy calls out kiss-ass Miles for being just that... a kiss-ass. And to prove it Miles tries to go behind Frau Blucher's back, straight to Dick Cheney. Is it just me or does everyone have Dick on their speed dials except David Gregory?). Good for her. Because if she hadn't helped, Jack would have been pissed, and when Jack gets pissed people start to find themselves in nasty circumstances.

I mean just take Jack on the place... threatening to crash the thing by yanking on the wiring for the tailfin flaps, forcing the pilot to let him out of the baggage area. Of course we find out the hints last week that the French were involved were just there to throw Jack of the right trail. Jack hates the French too; he and Chloe found the only European guy on the plane and Jack dragged him down to the baggage area and start going to work on him... But alas it appears we can't blame this on the French.

It turns out that the copilot is the guy with the tape. Bad luck for the pilot (Jesus is my copilot, so I'm cool... don't got to worry about getting beat down by him with a flashlight). But Jack gets to him and gets the tape. And by some miraculous means, the one-armed wonder doc Romano finds out about this and tells president Weasel that his only option, other than going to jail for a very long time, is to shoot down the plane. Interesting that this episode airs the Monday after United 93 opens... Maybe we should clone Jack and put him on every flight across the nation. That would prevent any more hijackings and probably make all flights arrive on time too...

Anyway, time for this week's Jack Bauer Moment of ZenTM:

As a teen Chuck Norris Jack Bauer impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

Chuck Norris Jack Bauer invented the pencil by compressing a lead pipe with his bare hands.

Chuck Norris Jack Bauer can pause live TV without using a TiVo. He just tells it to hold still while he gets his roast beef sandwich.