Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Terrorists attack CTU; Jack Bauer's pissed

You knew something horrible was going to happen when Calamity Kim showed up at CTU with her psycho-babble boyfriend. I like how they're pissed off Jack's alive. She's still gorgeous and all, but was it just me or did she look a little chipmunk-cheeked to you? WTF? She better kick her head-shrinking boytoy to the curb for making her look chubby before Jack shoots him in the leg like he shot Robocop's wife. Or it could have been the fact that she had five layers of clothes on. In LA. Big boobs Logan walks around flaunting her stuff; what's up Kim? Less clothes next time, kay?

And way to go you fat, stupid hobbitses. Your coked-out sister sold you out, and now you're probably dead along with half of your coworkers. No more second breakfasts for you! They even killed Truffle Shuffle! He needed to diet, not die. Now they've sealed themselves in a room surrounded by nerve gas. I bet Jack comes close to smacking Kim's boyfriend in the next episode. Maybe they toss him out of the room to test to see if the nerve gas has dissipated like those canaries miners take down with them.

I have no clue what the death count on this one's going to be. There's gotta be at least 50 or 60 dead.

And now your moment of Jack:
The evolution theory states that everything evolved from one living being. Chuck Norris Jack Bauer is that living being.

Chuck Norris Jack Bauer once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die; he then gave the story to Johnny Cash in return for his mortal soul.

One day Chuck Norris Jack Bauer was infact killed when he round house kicked someone in the face so hard that it shattered the universe. But in heaven, Chuck Jack challenged God to an arm wrestling match. Chuck Jack won, and the universe was reformed.

UPDATE @ 9:37am: Added B4B's pics above and they lowballed the death count at 14 (no way it's that low). But if that sticks I called the count at 13. We'll have to see who kicked the bucket at CTU next week. Hopefully there's at least one dead hobbit.