Tuesday, April 25, 2006

If you cross Jack Bauer, you die.

It's really that simple. I told you last week that nobody sucker punches Jack Bauer, and what happens? SecDef Heller ends up dead in a lake. Don't these people know better by now? Listen to what Jack says, or you will die.

Curtis also makes a triumphant return this past hour and arrives just in the nick of time to save Audrey's bleeding butt from RoboCop's henchmen who arrive shortly after Jack leaves. RoboCop of course did not have the tape on him. He passed it off to someone who went back to the airport.

Chloe is all ready for the slumber party at Chiggy Killer's place. She got her cocoa, pajamas, laptop, and hacked into CTU to access satelites to track RoboCop and his bad guys. Is there anything she can't do with a computer? She's obviously the smartest person to ever work for our government which begs the question, why the hell is she working at CTU when she could be making bazillions of dollars making an operating system that works better than Micorsoft Windows?

Anyway we finally see the puppeteers that are controlling President Weasel's every move, and it's Dr. Romano! The one-armed wonder from ER who died when a helicopter crashed on his head in the ambulance bay! What do we get to call him? Corky (as in Romano)? One-armed wonder doc? Chopper arm? We'll have to see...

But who's really behind this whole 24 hours of terror? If they say Halliburton, I will hunt down the writers and hurt them, Jack Bauer style. But I think we get a clue as Jack's breaking into the airport to get on the diplomatic plane that the guy with the tape is on. We see a limo pull away with... French flags!! IT'S THE FWWWWENCCCHHH!!! No wonder Logan's such a spineless sack of goo! He's conspiring with the French! This really explains a lot...

And on that note, your Jack Bauer Moment of ZenTM:

In his youth, Chuck Norris Jack Bauer did not play dress-up; he just killed people and used their bodies as costumes.

On the seventh day, God rested, and Chuck Norris Jack Bauer said, "Get your lazy ass back to work." So he did.

Chuck Norris Jack Bauer's strength comes from the pain and suffering experienced by each and everyone of his victims.