Monday, December 18, 2006

For those of you who are bored at work and looking to break up another monotonous day...

It's like "Talk like a Pirate" day but better!

It's "Talk like Jack Bauer" day!

And just how, praytell, does one talk like Jack Bauer? I'm glad you asked! Here's some tips...

-Make sure to yell very simple requests.
-Use at least 5 exclamation points in every email!!!!
-Ask "Who are you working for!?" to as many people as possible.
-Throw out a "Dammit" during the day, just for the hell of it.
-Drink each time you hear a co-worker say "Dammit".
-Make a mistake at work? Blame Nina Myers.
-Request everything be sent to your PDA (works best if you don't have one).
-Accuse co-workers and/or children of being moles.
-Make sure to let your co-workers catch you looking at Google Earth maps of their houses. When they ask why, tell them that you've tracked a terrorist cell to that location.

Co-worker: How was your weekend?
You: damnit Bob, we don't have time for simple questions.
Co-worker: I just asked about your weekend.
You: Dammit. Who are you working for?
Co-worker: Never mind, forget I asked.

Co-worker: Hey man. Did you already get breakfast?
You: I've killed 3 people today and no I've yet to eat breakfast. Dammit!
Co-worker: Is that a threat?
You: That's not a threat, that's a fact.

Boss: Hey, where are the reports I asked for?
(pull out stapler, move towards boss)
You: I think the question you should be asking is how are you going to read the reports after I staple your eyelids to your desk!

So next time that annoying dweeb from finance stops by your cubicle, try it out. If you make him cry, you know you've got the hang of it!

And don't forget, the 6th longest day in Jack Bauer's life begins January 14th... amazing how these terrorist attacks are scheduled so precisely these days...

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